Daddy

October 26, 2011

He told her, “This is just for now.”
She said, “It’s okay, Daddy,
we’ll get through somehow;
we have each other still
and you always taught me that love is what counts.”
A single tear appeared in his eye,
he turned around,
refused to let her see him frown,
much less cry.
Such a strong young thing she was,
amazing really, after everything,
a child her age should never have to feel
the sting
of loss
like she,
so he had to be her rock,
her superhero,
had to lock
his pain and fear away,
had to make sure every day
was filled with love and happiness
and joy and laughter
and nothing else.

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xv. Towel

August 5, 2011

I gave it up,
I passed on it,
I threw in the towel.

She shed a tear,
She hit the floor,
She gave a solemn howl.

I walked away,
I left it dying,
I told her I was done.

She couldn’t move,
She wouldn’t accept it,
She wouldn’t let me run.

Our time was over,
Our day was through,
Our number had come up.

We ended there,
We let love die,
We said enough’s enough.

 

 

Prompt from @theundeniables

xiv. Burn

July 30, 2011

I burned her.

I set her alight
and watched the flames rise
and the smoke curl.

I watched her skin blister,
her hair crinkle
and her smile turn to ashes.

At first it felt extreme
but once the photos were gone,
I began to feel a weight lifting.

I felt the curtain being pulled back
and the shadows start to fade
so I carried on.

Next, I threw her clothes on the flames
and for a moment her fragrance filled the room
before the smoke thickened.

A black tower rose up
from the waste paper bin
in the middle of the living room.

Thick black smoke,
the colour of my heart,
caressed the ceiling.

Before long, I had burned it all:
photos, clothes, DVDs, gifts;
I’d even thrown her favourite mug on the flames.

But somehow,
memories of her lingered on;
she refused to be forgotten.

I realised that a part of her
still lived inside me,
that as long as I loved her, she’d never let go.

So there was only one thing for it;
I had one last thing to burn,
one last thing to cleanse of her.

I felt the flames beckoning me,
urging me to finish the job,
and so I gave in to them.

I jumped on the flames
and the last thing I saw before my soul was consumed
was her.

xii. Silence

July 22, 2011

The noise takes over silence, suddenly.
The awkwardness between us grows too loud;
The ticking clock upon the wall counts down
the time that passes by without a word;
The television, background hum before,
now commentator on the battlefield
that sprawls between us, hostile land bestrewn
with failed apologies and unmasked lies;
The softly growling dog that lies asleep,
a symbol of a simpler life – of peace –
reminder of naivete of youth,
a time when arguments seemed all grown up
and we swore we would grow up differently;
the music rumbling through the party wall –
a constant that we’ve grown used to – becomes
an inapt soundtrack to our dying love;
and even traffic from the street below
begins to taunt and tease by offering
escape – the sound of people travelling
from place to place – if only you would dare
but we both know that if you leave, it’s done.
The silence feeds itself as time ticks on
and I can’t bare the thunderous sound it makes
but neither of us want for it to end.

Lies

June 13, 2011

She looked into your eyes,
your deep, enchanting stare,
and swallowed all the lies
you spoke without a care.

She hung on every word,
so smooth and somehow sweet
and fell for what she heard
as you spun your deceit.

She held onto your hand;
the truth, she clearly did not know.
She could not understand
why you were letting go.

She watched you walk away
and hoped that you would turn around.
She had so much to say
but could not make a sound.

xxii. Scar

April 14, 2011

Nothing makes a spark like love –
a flame you cannot hide;
a torch you bear with pleasure
that cannot be controlled.

 

Nothing leaves a scar like love –
a mark you’ll never lose;
a tear between two souls
that never heals.

Nothing leaves a ghost like love –
the memories you won’t forget;
the shadows in the corners of your heart
that won’t be lit.

Nothing leaves its mark like love –
that look that will not leave your face;
that stunted smile, those tortured lips
that will not be at ease.

xxi. Gone

April 14, 2011

fear in your gut,
can’t move, can’t run;
stake through your foot,
barrel of a gun;
stuck in a rut,
true love, no fun;
never made the cut,
now she’s gone.

xxiii. Haunted

February 1, 2011

Sweeping the floor,
I find a reminder;
It’s long and black.
It shatters me;
It brings me to my knees.

This morning,
It was your lipstick mark,
Still on your coffee cup;
Last night,
It was your perfume,
Still on my pillow.

Now it’s this hair,
Lay as if in ambush,
Waiting for me,
To find it there,
That stops me,
In my tracks.

I cannot live this way,
With your ghost,
Haunting my apartment.
You dominate my dreams,
And you surround me,
When I am awake.

Even when I leave,
Your chewing gum’s,
Still in my car;
Your favourite song,
Is on my radio;
The seat’s reclined,
Just the way,
You liked it.

I’m haunted by,
My happiest memories –
Memories,
Of a time,
That was so perfect.
I have no nightmares,
When I sleep and yet,
Somehow this is worse.

These happy memories,
Surrounding me,
But always,
Out of reach;
They terrorise,
Tease,
Taunt me;
They’re driving me,
Insane.

I wake up in the night,
I’m sleeping on ‘my side’,
As though,
You’re still there.
I can’t roll over,
Because the cold,
Will tell me,
What I already know,
But cannot bear to feel.

Getting ready for work,
I pick my toothbrush up,
From beside yours.
Yours is the red one –
Your favourite colour.
You’ll never use it now,
But there it sits,
Defiant;
Staking it’s claim.

Sometimes,
Out of habit,
I still cook,
Too many eggs,
In the morning.
Yours go to the dog,
But it’s still enough,
To remind me.

I wonder,
When I will be exorcised,
Of these,
My happiest memories;
Memories of a happiness,
I can no longer bear.

 

 

Inspired by the following lyric:
“Got your lipstick mark/ Still on your coffee cup”
I’m not a fan of Take That, but that one line has always stood out to me as being somehow genius.

xxii. Tell me…

February 1, 2011

Tell me you love me;
Say that you do.
Tell me you need me;
Pretend that it’s true.

If this is our last kiss,
If things are really through,
If this is our last kiss,
If I am losing you,
If this is where it ends,
If we are truly done,
If this is where it ends,
If we have had our run,

Then give me one last lie.

Tell me you love me;
Say that you’re mine.
Tell me you need me;
Pretend that we’re fine.

’cause I would believe you;
I would believe anything you say.

xxi. Old Flames

January 28, 2011

The first time I have seen you in so long,
Here on the street and you’re with him. We meet,
An awkward smile, a stuttered hug, a kiss,
On either cheek and then, of course, I shake,
His hand. A man’s handshake to counteract,
How weak and how inferior I feel.
As much as I would like, I can’t ignore,
Him. It would just be impolite. As much,
As I may hate him, simply ’cause he’s next,
To you, I’m nothing if not nice. I shake,
His hand and try to seem unbothered by,
His presence. What I wouldn’t give for just,
Five minutes like it used to be, just you,
And me and no one else. Five minutes like,
It used to be, Five minutes feeling like,
I’m all you need. Don’t you remember how,
You used to feel that way? How I was all,
You needed; All you thought you’d ever need?

I still don’t know what happened; How or why,
Things changed between us all that time ago,
And when I see you in the street, my heart,
Still skips and takes my breath from me, for just,
A beat. I wonder if you feel it too;
If, even though you walked away from me,
There’s something there inside you still, some deep
Connection that will never break because,
Of what we had back then. Some way in which,
We joined as one and will always remain.
Your smile gives absolutely nought away,
And for a moment I am terrified,
That you don’t want to speak to me, that I,
Am nothing but an inconvenient,
Reminder of a past you’d rather have,
Forgotten altogether. But your eyes;
Your eyes are warm, they burn right into me,
The face you try to keep indifferent,
Uncovered for the liar that it is,
By something in your eyes. There’s something there,
That reaches out and feels for me as I,
Come close. Your eyes look over me and seem,
To yearn for me in ways you can not let,
Your body show, and with that subtle glance,
I see you savour every inch of me.
I see regret form deep inside, I see,
How well you know the mistake that you made,
How well you know the life you could have had,
If only you had stayed here by my side.

And still I do not know what made you leave.
Our searching eyes send pleas across the void,
That lies between, policed by whomever,
You’re seeing now. We linger maybe just,
A second longer than we should and when,
We realise, your gaze drops quickly to,
The ground and mindless small talk takes the place,
Of all the million words we said in just,
A moment with our eyes. This guy you’re with,
Oblivious to what is going on.
Oblivious to flames relit; to old,
Affection given life a-new. We talk,
About our families, our jobs and “How,
Is Steve?” “You know, I haven’t seen him in,
So long.” But words mean nothing to us now,
For something’s happening between us now,
Some magic that we’d let ourselves forget,
Rekindles all the flames that we had let,
Be beaten down. I start to feel a pang,
Of guilt, or maybe it’s just pity, for,
The person standing by your side, his wide,
Uncomfortable grin not able to,
Conceal the deep uneasiness he feels,
At being stranded on the outskirts of,
Our conversation, with no way of joining in;
No common ground to help him break into,
The channel we have built across the void.

He stands there with his arms down by his side,
Just looking like a misplaced prop upon,
The stage of our reunion scene. Of course,
He doesn’t know what’s blossoming between,
Us. Actually, he thinks I seem quite dull.
He doesn’t realise that we almost,
Don’t even know what we’ve been speaking of,
The real conversation has no words;
We’re speaking just to hide the rhumba that,
We’re dancing in the space between us, right,
Here on the street. A dance that nobody
Can see but one that’s sending sparks from soul,
To soul. He shuffles on his feet, a poor,
Attempt at catching your attention, so,
That he can say “We don’t want to be late.”
But what he doesn’t realise is that,
Whatever plans they have have all been dropped,
Appointments cancelled right here on the street.
He might be going home with her, but they,
Are done. It’s almost sad that he can’t see,
That you’ve already broken up with him.

And yet, a part of me is hesitant.
You left me once, how can I know that you,
Won’t tear me up again; That you won’t just,
Get bored of me and throw me out again?
Through all the fire that burns between us, right,
here on the street, I feel a sudden chill.
It rushes up my spine and lunges for,
My heart, the same cold stab I felt back when,
You left. A flicker darts across my eyes,
It’s almost nonexistent but you see,
It take me down. And then I see in yours,
A flicker too. Remorse for what you did.
Our dance comes to a fumbled end, our form,
All gone. The wildfire that was roaring just,
Now barely smoulders on. The dream that we,
Were living in disperses and we’re left,
Here on the street lost deep in some banal,
Discussion about work, or weather, or…
Your guy’s still standing there uneasily,
His hands now in his pocket and he jolts,
Awake from day-dreaming as soon as we,
Begin that awkward waltz of rushed goodbyes.
And then, it’s done. I turn to walk away,
And you take up his hand and head off home.

He’ll never know how close to losing you,
He was. I’ll never know just how much you,
Regret the way you left, and you regret,
The way your leaving then just lost me once,
again right here. You’ll never know how much,
I hate the fear that’s driven me away,
From something I believe was meant to be.